Happy Mother’s Day !!

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22th December 2011

Dear Zaid,

This are pictures of your Grandmother. Isn’t she beautiful? Judging by those pictures your grandmother should be an actress or a model don’t you think? Hehe..

Your Grandmother. My mother is a Geologist. And she is a though one if I may say. She’s used to spend months of in the middle of nowhere for the sake of science. A remarkable working mother.

I used to be mad at the fact she’s rarely there for me. You see, I spend most of my childhood alone. Coming home from school to an empty house. My mom and dad was busy working, my sister and brother was in their teenage age and busy socializing. My loyal friends are books and encyclopedias that my mother always provide me with. That’s why I am such a book geek right now.

I miss my mom a lot at that time. Waiting anxiously for her to come home. Sometimes I wait for her in front of my house, sometimes in the roof top. And when she do come home, I run as fast as I can to hug her. The way you hug me when I come home.

Growing up in that situation makes me keep a lot of thing to myself. I rarely tell my mother or my other family members about what’s going on in my daily life. Such a solitary kid. When it was time for me to learn our 5 times prayer, I learn how to do it from a book. I bought it from a bookstore near my elementary school. I was eight years old at that time. Most of my friend already know how to do a prayer and I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mom that I need to learn it too. When she finally saw me doing a prayer and ask me how did I learn. I told her that the teacher at school taught me.

That become a habit. And up until now there’s a lot of things that I didn’t told her. It’s not that I don’t want to. But I just could not bring myself to do it. I try several times to communicate heart to heart to my mother, but I couldn’t utter a word. That was my defect. In my teenage age I used to blame her by not being there. But eventually I came to realize that she was just doing what she have to do. And she had made a lot of sacrifices to take care of our family well being. It’s not her fault at all. It’s just one of my  many flaws.

I love my mother so much. I always want to protect her from knowing my trouble, my sadness and everything else that went wrong in my life.

Because of that fact. At one time I swore to myself that I would never be a working mom. My dream at that time was to be a stay at home mom who will always be there when the kids come home from school. A mom who always have time to cook delicious dishes for her family. But in life we will never know what the future bring. And we have to be ready to deal with the unexpected.

This December you’re 2 years and 9 months .

Look where we are right now. I am in my mother position. And you are in my position. And I’m not a dreamer anymore. Life choose to teach me in a hard way.

I really hope that we can work it out. I will try my best not just to be your mother, but also to be your father and your best friend. It won’t be easy, I know. But for you I’ll go a thousand miles. And I hope that in the future we can communicate with each other and I will be the first person you’ll turn to if something happen to you.

Dear Zaid,

Forgive me for not be able to give a perfect family for you. I’ve done many mistakes in my life. And some of them affects your future. So do forgive me.

It’s not going to be easy for both of us, but remember this :

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain”

And I have no  idea what will happen in the future. Let’s just face it one step at a time. Together.

Happy Mother’s day! To all mother in this universe.

Life is not perfect and It will never be. That’s just the way it is.

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