Surreal New Year

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2nd January 2012

Dear Zaid,

I spend my first day in 2012 feeling surreal because what happened the day before. It’s weird, I never believe much in fate. Sometimes I even think that Fate and Destiny are enjoying them self playing on me.

There’s one quote that keep ringing in my head yesterday :

Maka, pertemuan sesungguhnya adalah nasib. Orang tak hanya bertemu begitu saja, pasti ada sesuatu di balik itu.” (Cinta Dalam Gelas – Andrea Hirata)

Is it true?

This morning I tweet about how funny life is. For when I was a teenager I used to think that I’m mature enough to sail through life, and now I’m 28 years old, I feel like a little girl lost in a maze. Ironic.

Everything happens because of the choices we made. Who we are today are who we choose to be. We create our own fate. Everything is just like a binary number. If you choose 0 your consequences is X, if you choose 1 your consequences is Y. Analysis of consequences.

That’s what I used to believe. I never thought much if there’s “a bigger scheme” out there about each of us.

And now I start to doubt myself. What I believe about how life is working. What I believe about consequences analysis. What I believe about how to survive this cruel world.

But don’t worry dear, in time I will resolve this. And maybe one day I’ll write the answer here.

I don’t know what I got myself into. I just keep praying for the best.

Making decision is only the beginning of things. When someone makes decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision

-The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho-

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